The first hours after losing someone can feel confusing, overwhelming, and unreal. You may feel pressure to make decisions, notify people, answer questions, or “hold it together,” but grief often moves slower than the world around you. Take a breath. You do not have to process everything at once.  In these early moments, it is okay to focus only on what is immediately in front of you. Let trusted family, friends, clergy, or support people step in where they can.

 

You may need someone to sit with you, make calls, bring food, watch children, or simply be present so you are not carrying the weight alone.Grief can show up in many ways: shock, numbness, tears, anger, confusion, exhaustion, or even moments where you feel strangely calm. None of those responses mean you are grieving “wrong.” Your mind and body are trying to absorb something deeply painful, and that takes time.

 

In the first few hours after first responders have finished their work and the funeral home or coroners office has taken your loved one into their care, the reality is, the only work to do is the work of grief.  

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- If your loved one is in the care of the coroner's office: In the following days, staff from the coroner's office will be in regular communication to update you on exams, initial findings and any procedural issues that arise.  Within a week, your loved one will have their exam and will be released into the custody of the next of kin.  At that time, you will need to provide them the name of a local funeral home or crematorium who can continue the process of care.  Please see your page on local resources HERE for a list of services.

 

- If your loved one is in the care of a funeral home: The staff of the funeral home should have left you some contact information.  You can either call them directly or wait for them to contact you to set up a time to go to their facility and plan the next steps for burial, memorial services, etc.  Usually the appointment is in 1-3 days after the death.

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As you move through the first day or two, give yourself permission to slow down. Drink water. Eat something small. Rest when you can. Step outside for a few minutes. Write down important details so you do not have to remember everything. And when decisions need to be made, make only the next necessary one.  There is no need to rush through grief and there is no prize for making decisions quickly.  Right now, all you have is time, and that is ok.  Take the next steps when you are ready and let others carry what feels to heavy to carry alone.

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If you would like to speak with one of our chaplains to assist you in this process, please do not hesitate to reach out to one of our Yolo County Law Enforcement agencies non emergency lines and ask to speak with the on-call Chaplain.

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